Overshare #3

Rejection sensitivity, autistic pride, and a dead rat

Hello from Queensland lockdown and school holidays :/ If things are a little haphazard in the newsletter this month, please know that it is probably a reflection of the inside of our heads. But it’s fine; we’re fine! Right, Anna?! (we are SO FINE KAY EVERYTHING IS OKAY, OKAY? Oh, Kay, help us all…)

The Overshare is broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s do it.  

Listen Up 

Kay: I think just about everyone in the universe knows I am a Hannah Gadsby superfan, so this podcast recommendation will come as a shock to no one. Hannah was on Mike Birbiglia’s podcast Working It Out, which has a slightly different format to most comedy podcasts. He gets comedians on, and they workshop their works-in-progress. I think it was recorded last year, and I love Hannah’s bit about the ‘spectrum gazelle’. Autism-related comedy from an autistic comedian– I want more. I also love listening to people workshop their creative ideas, because it reminds me that the shiny end product doesn’t show all the messy work it takes to get there.

Anna: This section always makes me laugh a little, as I’m Hard of Hearing (moderate deafness to low tones). Having the children home for school holidays is super frustrating as I can’t hear them as easily through the house. I know they’ve said something, and call back ‘what?’ At which point they repeat themselves again at the same volume and distance! My audiologist agreed I’m better to go without a hearing aid for now, as I’m prone to ear infections. My mother’s family all have early sensorial hearing loss, and different success with aids. My loss of low tones is unusual in general terms and feels like I the bass is turned down low, and the treble hurts. I have an artwork titled ‘Bass’, published in the HoH Zine Dis(locate) Sound: A zine on Deafness, curated and edited by Jasmine Shirrefs. I used a painting, my hearing report, and some graphics things to represent the lack of bass sounds in a noisy mind.

I’ve also been indulging on albums set to repeat, as we’ve mentioned before. This week is Moby, Billie Eilish, and Eurovision winners. Don’t judge me!  

All the feels 

Anna: Sensory wise these last couple of weeks have been hellish. To be frank, a rat died in a cavity in the kitchen and has been slowly decomposing. The smell, oh my, the smell. My work space is in an adjoining open plan room. I have found the best solutions incense, smelly candles, and Nilodor. We’ve put bicarb as close as we can to the area, and some special smell absorbing crystal things. There’s no real point to this addition to our newsletter but far out. THE SMELL I AM DYING.  

Off the shelf 

Kay: I just finished a lovely new #LoveOzYA debut called Henry Hamlet’s Heart, by Rhiannon Wilde. It is a beautiful queer romance set in Brisbane, with a neurotic protagonist trying to figure out the end of Year Twelve. Honestly, exactly my jam. Funny, beautifully written, awkward, full of feels. I recommend it for fans of Becky Albertalli and also for 2000s Brisbane emos because it definitely gave me flashbacks to contorting into my skinny jeans and perfecting my swooping fringe for a Myspace profile pic. Rhiannon was supposed to have her launch tonight at Where The Wild Things Are, but because of this snap lockdown it will now be a virtual launch. Sign up here and support a wonderful new YA voice.

Oh, and I will be sharing something bookish and fun for Social Queue on Monday morning, so follow me on Instagram or Twitter for that exciting reveal :)

Uh oh 

Kay: As much as I wish I had a harmless, quirky anecdote this month, I am feeling a little too exhausted to find humour in my mistakes. Maybe it is a good time to talk about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. From what I understand, it can affect anyone, but neurodivergent people are more susceptible.

An explainer from Good Therapy: ‘The most telling marker of rejection sensitive dysphoria is an extreme response to real or perceived rejection. Most people may experience sadness, disappointment, or frustration after experiencing rejection. But with RSD, rejection or critique can be overwhelming enough to lead to:

• Outbursts of rage or panic

• Feelings of despair and hopelessness

• Beliefs that one has failed or disappointed their loved ones

• Feelings of shame and humiliation

Extreme rejection sensitivity can make it tough to move forward after an experience of rejection. Some people might continue thinking about the rejection throughout the day or into the next, experiencing circling thoughts or even feelings of physical discomfort. Some may also experience low self-esteem or feel frustrated with their inability to prevent the intense emotional response.

RSD doesn’t only happen in response to an actual incident of rejection. These feelings can also develop in response to behaviors they perceive to be rejection. For example, an individual may interpret an instance of friendly teasing as evidence that their friends hate them.’

So yeah, I’ve got some non-fiction work out on pitch, and am about to launch into the promotion of my second book. It makes me feel a bit wobbly, anticipating the rejection I will no doubt feel in one way or another. And that push-pull of wanting to share my work vs feeling exposed when I do…

Anna: Someone just unfriended me on discord. I hardly know them but we were friends for fours days and I don’t understand what went wrong so I then cried for half an hour. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It’s ridiculous!! We know. But it’s still real.

Leaving the house 

Kay: Leaving the house? I don’t know her.  

Anna: Me either, lol. 

Who put me in charge? 

Kay: I follow social media training company The Digital Picnic on Instagram, not necessarily because I am looking for information on how to up my engagement, but because it is an autistic-founded company, and founder Cherie shares some amazing stories about her own life, as well as her experiences parenting her neurodivergent kids. She is a fierce advocate and incredible voice in this space.  

Something she touched on recently was celebrating her kids’ diagnoses, and all the wonderful things about parenting ND children. I especially loved what she had to say about going all-in on their special interests. It is so important. Right now, in our house it is Pokémon. And this is my second go-around on Pokémon, as I was an avid card collector back in the 90s. So I have the added advantage of at least knowing the names of the original 150, although now there are close to 1000 so it’s a bit hard to keep up. 

Anna: I was supposed to do an awesome contribution of things to do on the holidays with kids. However, I am so exhausted from being on holidays with the kids that I can’t fulfil this expectation. Everything is out of routine, and of course medical appointments abound - though now we are in lockdown the routine change is changing and please save us allll.

Scratch pad 

Anna: I’m still learning to write words of love rather than pain, and I must say… it’s an uphill battle! As can be seen in this week’s Scratch Pad offering: 

Loving you is falling forward

Loving you is falling forward

smitten.

I lunge into the possibilities 

without checking the temperature

of the water

and what if it’s icy 

oh no!

what if I get frost bite

instead of the glorious steam and hot love

I imagined?

I’m falling forward

loving you

and my foot

it’s numb

I should have tested the water

oh no

my leg

you’re not there and the water is cold.

I loved you easily and didn’t

check

the water.

Glacial, frigid, biting my tears.

Won’t you reach in? 

lift me out of this frozen mistaken love?

Heat the water with me?

no.

My heart will freeze soon

I’m sure

so don’t worry

thanks for everything

I say with blue lips.