The Overshare #16

ASMR, first draft angst, and Halloween

Halloween is the holiday we most look forward to in our house, and it is less than two weeks away! It is weird and spooky and costumes are fun and lollies are delicious. It was a big part of my childhood, particularly in Ireland, and now my kid is obsessed. That said, I can definitely relate to Anna’s points below about all the reasons Halloween can end up being not-so-fun. What is Halloween like for you? Let us know, and we will jump into newsletter #16.

The Overshare is broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s do it.

Listen Up

Anna: We’ve had an ASMR few weeks, loving little reels/tik-toks of slime play, chalk crush, and cat purring. I’m curious about the chalk, personally, and would love to make some! It reminds me of the ‘sand rocks’ we used to sit and crush for hours on the beach. If anyone has experience in this, or a recipe, let me know and I can then report back how it went. I don’t like my hands to be unwashable-coloured. I much prefer the sound of chalk crushing to slime squishing, maybe I have destructive tendencies?

Can you hear this too? Chalk crushing.

Kay: I have been listening to a BBC podcast called 28ish Days Later, which is about periods. It is hosted by journalist India Rakusen, and it delves into everything from ancient myths about menstruation, to endometriosis, sex bias in medical science, and inequalities in healthcare. The episodes are short (about 14min each) and while they contain a lot of information, they are also very conversational, and accessible.

All The Feels

Kay: This isn’t technically a gadget or product, but what has given me ALL THE FEELS this month is reaching a certain point in the publishing journey with my latest project. The point where you get an email with a JPEG attachment and you finally get to take a breath and envision the final result of 18 months of work!! I can’t wait to share more with everyone, and I will make sure this is the first place I do that. It is strange to not have announced anything at this stage, but different publishers do things in different ways and it all works out.

Even though this book is my third, it is my first non-fiction and for some reason the writing process this time around triggered an immense amount of angst, self-doubt, and fear. I found myself in that fear-based mindset pretty much any time I wasn’t working on the book, which, with my primary caregiving role, was a lot of the time. Maybe it was because I was recording other people’s stories, not just my own (or the ones I make up in my head). Maybe it’s more of a general 2022 burnout and exhaustion kind of thing. I’m not sure. It is often said that autistic people ‘see the trees and not the forest’. I am not sure I agree with that (or any blanket statement about autistic people) but I definitely feel that with this project, I was working tree by tree. It is only now I can stand back and admire the forest. I recently downloaded and loved this free zine from The Creative Independent on dealing with creative anxiety.

Off The Shelf

Kay: I have read two wonderful books by autistic authors in the past month, and they are both getting a lot of attention, which makes me so happy. The first is Different, Not Less by Chloé Hayden. Chloé is an autistic advocate, actor and creative, who has timed the release of her book with the release of the Heartbreak High reboot on Netflix (in which she plays Quinni). Chloé has been doing such incredible work for so long and seeing her have this huge, wonderful moment in the spotlight makes my heart sing. Chloé’s book is a guide for young neurodivergent people, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

The second book I want to recommend is The Ninth Life of a Diamond Miner by Grace Tame. Grace has been in the national spotlight since being named 2021 Australian of the Year, and has used her platform to advocate courageously for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Watching the conservative media, particularly Rupert Murdoch’s titles, foaming at the mouth to try to tear her down has been as horrifying as it has been unsurprising. It is powerful to read Grace’s story in her own words. And what stunning words she writes.

Anna: My newest delivery is Two Can Play That Game by Leanne Yong. I love to see more gaming novels out there! My biggest hope is to feel a sense of authenticity with current gaming culture (I’m pretty darn sure there will be). If, as writers, we step into a subculture there are two possible outcomes. You nail it, and bring in a wonderful bunch of readers, offering them representation that leads to a sense of belonging. Alternatively, you stuff it up… and you’re the adult writing down. Ensuring continuity with current culture is highly advised. Gamers have their (our) own language, and can be super accepting to teaching newcomers, especially if you know someone who brought you in. Totally worth the time.

Uh Oh

Anna: My Uh Oh is preemptive. I once loved Halloween, and put a lot of effort into decorating the house, playing the ‘spooky radio’ on a loop, and either hosting a party or trick or treating. Or both. Unfortunately, this means I’m now stuck with a smoke machine and a lot of expectation from the family conflicting with my need to close all the doors and turn out the lights. Even though the streets were organised, with the door knocking agreements, it was still so overwhelming. Too many sweets, uncomfortable facepaint (yes, I did that too) and some terrifying costumes made each year more and more stressful. At home, people knocking at the door past bed time and then being rude despite all the effort soured my joy. I was trying to help us accept and process death in a culture that largely doesn’t. I have a whole PhD in death.
But alas, while I try to keep the core concepts alive (or dead) I now offload any child of mine with a desire to ask strangers for sugar, and do not unlock the gate. Maybe one day I’ll find my after-life-mojo. This year? I will not be towing a helium filled ghost balloon with a glow light inside. Gee that was cute.

Me with filters to look spooky. I can’t share my kid’s photos in good conscience!

Leaving The House

Anna: I’ve had a few times this month where I thought ohh I went out! I will have something exciting to write! Right now the most exciting one I can remember was to K-Mart with my nine year old. I haven’t been in a very long time, and proceeded to buy everything. She was so excited, and we actually danced and laughed in the aisles. Covid took away so many small pleasures. That said, my health declined at the same time, and the risk of having to stand in a queue is quite terrifying. I can’t stand still for fifteen minutes or I will most likely feint and require an ambulance (it’s a heart thing). My daughter was prepared, not alarmed, at the prospect. The trolley provided just enough support, along with not thinking too hard about any purchase. Oh the bill. The shift away from my children’s needs, and navigating the sounds and lights, to my own needs is strange. We negotiated all our these needs in a way that, looking back, makes me super proud.

Who Put Me In Charge

Kay: It has been A MONTH for my poor kid in terms of tricky sensory experiences. I tend to schedule certain appointments on the school holidays because it is nicer for A to have these when she is in a restful state. So she had a dentist visit, a blood test, a skin check, and then an expedited hospital stay and general anaesthetic to remove a dodgy mole. All within two weeks. And she lost a tooth!

The emotional toll of parenting through that, of supporting and advocating and caring and offsetting with fun activities so it isn’t all doom and gloom, has left me exhausted. To my bones. The upside though is that the hospital staff were incredible and they really took sensory needs seriously, which isn’t always the case. It can be hard for some people to understand that it isn’t just a dentist visit, and it isn’t just a blood test, and it isn’t just a little hospital stay. They are all awful experiences on a sensory level, and for a small person who has heightened anxiety around anything medical. Some people really do not like to validate a child’s emotions and experiences, which is so strange to me. ‘You’re fine’ and ‘it’s not a big deal’ and ‘that doesn’t hurt’ and those kinds of comments make me see red. I wish more people would let kids tell them how they are feeling instead of minimising their pain and fear for their own convenience. I found this to be a great resource on advocating for your child, from the Association for Children with a Disability.

A strong look

Scratch Pad

Kay: I loved this piece by Noor Abdul for Amaze, about the highs and lows of school holidays as a neurodivergent parent with neurodivergent kids. I sometimes feel guilty when people talk about the school holidays being their favourite time, because I struggle with the lack of alone time.

Thanks so much for reading x