Look at us, following through with a second newsletter! Thank you for all the lovely feedback about our first edition. This time around, we have settled into the format and we are going to dive right in.
The Overshare is broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s do it.
Listen Up
Kay: Anna is already all over this podcast, but I recently started listening to James and Ashley Stay At Home. As the blurb says, ‘James and Ashley are staying at home. Partly because there’s a pandemic, partly because they’re writers, and partly because of their health. Through discussions and interviews with other writers, they’ll try to inspire, build fellowship and entertain, or at the very least, explore how staying at home has its benefits.’ I listen to podcasts about writing, and podcasts about chronic illness and health, but this is the first I’ve found that combines the two. I particularly related to and appreciated the episode where James and Ashley each recorded audio of themselves when they were unwell, and then discussed the recordings afterwards. The anxieties they mentioned around having invisible illnesses felt really familiar to me.
Anna: My own listening has been Billie Eilish on repeat (I tend to repeat whole albums). I love how an album is like a novel. Each song evokes an emotion and encapsulates a moment in time. If the song writers can make me laugh or cry in three minutes and thirty seconds, then I can make every page of my novel count. Evoking emotion is my ultimate goal because that’s what I like to read; somasthetic nuggets.
All the feels
Kay: We have just set up a time-out tent full of soft things and sensory toys for A to chill in when things get a bit much, and it has got me thinking about other ways to make our whole house more autism-friendly. We already have dimmers on all the lights, and lots of lamps. We have blackout curtains and weighted blankets. We have a squishy, soft lounge and lots of plants and everything has its place in that neat, ordered way I like. But we are definitely lacking in the hammock and swing category (why don’t we have a huge hammock?). And we could do more with fairy lights, or glow in the dark stickers, or maybe a lava lamp?? I don’t know, but I’d love some ideas about what additions or changes people have made at home to support and celebrate neurodivergent family members. I would also recommend reading the measurements of things before you buy them online, because our sensory tent is freaking huge!
Anna: We have a new pet! Or pets, I should say. My youngest has caught millipedes in the garden and is keeping them quite successfully in a terrarium. They get walked every morning on the breakfast table(!). Yes, walked. The tickly gentleness of them calms her down and helps her focus on the present. They are free and I don’t have to clean up after them, so I’m happy too!
Off the shelf
Kay: With my copy edit of Social Queue away, I’ve had a lot more time for reading and I’ve been loving it. Some recent recommendations are Sunburnt Veils by Sara Haghdoosti, which is a YA set in that ‘just starting university and navigating life for the first time as a supposed adult’ time period I love. Sara is also expert at finding the balance of light and shade, funny and heartbreaking, that is my absolute sweet spot. I could not recommend this more highly.
I also adored Gabrielle Tozer’s most recent book, Can’t Say It Went To Plan (excellent title), which is set in Schoolies week. I would read pretty much whatever Gab decided to put out, and as much as I had no wish to revisit my own Schoolies week, this was the best of that time. The uncertainty, the heart-racing bits, the mistakes, the urgency. All of it.
And finally, I am currently reading How It Feels To Float, by Helena Fox. I’m a bit late to the party on this one, the winner of all things (judging by the extensive collection of stickers on the cover!) and it is stealing my heart, page by page. Helena’s writing is so beautiful.
Speaking of #LoveOzYA, we are both speaking at a Love YA Day at North Lakes, Queensland later this month. For more information, and to book, please follow this link.
Uh oh
Anna: This week’s Uh Oh isn’t mine. I don’t want to put a downer on our newsletter, but I’m genuinely shocked that a book can be published with the title ‘How NOT to Murder Your ADHD Kid’. Writing #OwnVoices (where we share the marginalised identity of our protagonist, or in this case, child) does not entitle us to damage that already marginalised group. NOT murdering your child is NOT a goal.
To assume that NOT murdering your ADHD child equals an hilarious and universally understood difficulty is an indicator of our position: We - the disabled, the autistic, the ADHDers - can be justifiably and publicly humiliated as the target of murderous intention.
Sales do not justify the means, and I would call on publishers to do better. I don’t know what convinced Blue Poppy Publishing to release this title, it hardly fits with their other work, but I wish they’d taken a moment to consider not shitting on me and my people…. I mean… not furthering the insidious social discourse of hierarchically valuing life by dis/ability. Big Uh Oh for them.
Kay: Ugh! That is really awful. I thought I would add just a little note in this section to mention that somebody said congratulations to me last week about my writing residency and for some reason I replied ‘congratulations to you too’ and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since…
Leaving the house
Kay: I just got back to my house yesterday after 11 days away and I AM NEVER LEAVING AGAIN. I joke, but it really is mentally taxing to be outside my comfort bubble for any extended amount of time. My base level of anxiety and stress becomes heightened and with that comes a reduced ability to cope. It is a relatively rare occurrence, especially in the past 15 months, and the pay-off has to feel worth it for me to take the leap. That said, a writing residency at Varuna, The Writers’ House is something I would do once a year, every year if I could. It is such a privilege.
What I sacrifice in sleep (I don’t sleep well when I’m away from home, like, at all) I gain in words on the page and mental space to let my mind wander and create. Having a young autistic child and my own support needs to meet means at home there is always something else to think about and something else to do. There is something so freeing about not being needed or expected to do anything other than write for a whole week. And I enjoyed a few extra days in the Blue Mountains with my family as well, which was wonderful.
If you are a writer and you’re looking for an opportunity to dedicate some time to your work, I would highly recommend applying for a Varuna Residential Fellowship. For those, like me, who live in another state, there are sometimes smaller travel grants you can access to help cover the cost of flights. I did that last year through the Regional Arts Development Fund in Queensland. Feel free to send me a message (or comment below) if you would like more information on this.
Who put me in charge?
Anna: Parenting neurodivergent kids when you are also ND has, for me, meant facing past issues with the school system overlapped with extreme protectiveness. I try to juggle their need to have time out with their need to be educated and around their peers. Most parents I know do the same, but for some reason I’ve always thought it was different for us. Having the kids home drains me of alone/quite/work time, so it’s not an ‘easy way out’ either.
I don’t call it ‘school refusal’ because it sounds so intentional, or like a battle of wills. I remember not really knowing why I couldn’t go, or why my stomach hurt, so I couldn’t explain or be argued out of it. I just needed to stay home sometimes.
The reasons for a day off that I’ve texted to the school… here we go.
Regular reasons:
Stomach-ache, vomiting, tooth pain, migraine, sinus, extremely sore throat, tummy ache.
Routine reasons:
Chiropractor, GP, physiotherapist, psychologist, [vague] medical appointment, immunologist, ENT, paediatrician.
Slightly less well accepted:
stress leave, exhaustion and sunburn sustained while in your care at the carnival, trying to eat, camp injuries.
Anna had enough and is getting honest:
gone to the beach, there’s a heatwave and no aircon, splinter.
Yes, this is my life. I dare you to mark it as questionable. TAKE ME ON:
in the emergency department again, his head split, her knee died, he’s in surgery, unsafe at school until measures are taken, ask Ms ***, just needs to be home.
After getting one child all the way to year twelve, and surviving having three kids at three different schools, I feel that I’ve found a healthy attitude of: “I love you school! But I don’t care what you think of my parenting”. I want my children to graduate without hating themselves, and I want them to have a passion for something, if possible. All the rest can be fixed later and probably in a more catered environment.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not pointing blame-filled fingers here. I’m a trained teacher, I’ve taught teachers, and I’ve even taught in more than one country. What needs to change is institutional and encultured and it won’t progress far enough in my lifetime. I’ll still do what I can to make schools a better place for my children, their teachers, and staff so that my grandchildren may have a better time. Most of all, I’ll protect my children at all costs because that’s my job. I’m privileged to do this as a white educated person who knows her children won’t lack for opportunities.*
[*They will lack friends though, because I really suck at play dates.]
Kay: I have nothing to add, other than I am living this right now and completely agree with everything you’ve said. Beautifully put, Anna.
Scratch pad
Kay: Last year I started a New Adult (NA) manuscript about a woman in her early 20s whose life is kind of nose-diving, and from rock bottom she ends up getting an autism diagnosis that helps her to reshape her life. I know, where did I get such an idea?? Anyway, I abandoned it at the 10,000 word mark and I’m not sure I will go back to it. This happens a bit for me; the 10-15k line is kind of where the wheels fall off if the project isn’t right. But I still really like the opening scene, so I thought I would share it here because why not. It was definitely influenced by my own deep and secret desire to be good at karaoke. Not so much these days, but when I was really struggling, that felt like the marker of a ‘good’ person. Please keep in mind this is first draft material :)
~
It is probably not normal, the amount of time I spend thinking about karaoke. Specifically, about absolutely nailing a karaoke performance, so much so that everyone half-stuck to the floor of the bar has to stop and admire me. They can’t help it; I’m just that good. The song alternates (today it is Lovefool by The Cardigans) but the crowd’s reaction to my show-stopping performance remains the same, or perhaps intensifies if I really need the high. More specifically, I think about being a person who could pull that off. And it’s not just that I wish I could be a better singer, although I do, it is everything about being the kind of person who would be good at karaoke entails. In this instance, I start shy and quiet, building up my confidence with little hip sways to the beat, and the audience is behind me. They want me to succeed. Their cheers buoy me and I am singing my heart out, arms wide, as the chorus kicks in. And what a voice. I am hitting the high notes like nobody’s business. ‘Love me, love me’ I beg the crowded room, and they do. Of course they do.
The trick with karaoke song selection is to surprise and delight. This sugary 90s pop song hits that sweet spot. I can feel the glow of their approval radiating from my face, making me more beautiful than any product could. It is an unmatched high, and I spend the rest of the night being humble about my obviously exceptional talent. There are free drinks, requests for dates, and business cards bandied around. A sea of smiling faces. It all gets a little too much, actually, and I have to excuse myself and jump in an Uber to head home for bed. I smile to myself as I remove my makeup and brush my teeth in front of the mirror. What a funny turn of events; I’d only meant to stop in for one drink after work. But wouldn’t you know, someone actually filmed my performance on their phone, and now it’s popping up across all my social media platforms. I don’t know how they tracked me down to tag me, but they did. The comments are rolling in. Even with the dodgy audio quality, people can tell I’ve got pipes. And more than that, I’ve got the charisma, the attitude, the personality, to pull it all off. They want more. Maybe I will get a Tiktok career out of it. Maybe I will laugh the attention off, shying away from it because I didn’t actually want it to begin with. That’s true talent, not even really wanting it. I earned it without ever meaning to. Time will tell, but for now I can go to sleep, knowing how worthy I am of all the accolades already being thrown my way. I am brilliant. I am a star, held back in the past only by her shyness, but now that has been stripped away and people have seen how incredible I truly am.
The alarm permeates this masterpiece of a mental image. I lose momentum; the best part of my day now over. It drifts away, and it is time to get ready for work. I have never done karaoke, obviously.
There is something so comforting about this newsletter! I continue to love it. I wish I had read Anna’s school-parenting tips when my boy was still at school. I feel so seen by it! Love the karaoke daydream. (And that Kay loved Sunburnt Veils so much.)
Love this so much - highlights are Anna and the millipede exercise routine and the inventive school/life(?) excuses and Kay's karaoke dream and the love of home/needing space. Wonderful stuff 😊