Hello everyone <3 It is such a joy to be surrounded by and in community with so many wonderful disabled people and allies, that I forget sometimes what it is like outside that bubble. Being pulled out of it is always a shock, whether it is someone speaking to me sloowwwllllyyy and in that exaggerated way you might converse with a toddler when they first meet me, because they know I’m autistic, or when someone assumes a position of authority, explaining my own experiences back to me because I ‘must not really understand’. I don’t know where I’m going with this (help, Anna, I’ve made a mess of the intro!) only that this is a common experience, an anecdote from my week, and something I would love not to happen anymore…
The Overshare is broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s do it.
Listen Up
Kay: I have been thinking and reading more about echolalia recently, which I knew was related to autism but have never really considered the ways it plays into my day-to-day life. Echolalia is, in diagnostic terms, the repetition of sounds, words or phrases. It is often spoken about in relation to someone having communication ‘deficits’, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I tend to hold on to the last couple of words that someone has said, and circle those around both verbally and in my head. It helps me while I’m processing the conversation afterwards and is also incredibly comforting. In a similar way, my daughter often repeats the phrase ‘Audible dot com’, because we listen to a lot of audiobooks, and I know this night-time routine is a comfort for both of us after the stresses of the day. When I hear her saying ‘Audible dot com’ it reminds me of this comfort, and also it makes me smile because it is said in such a strong American accent. It feels strange that when I Googled echolalia to put that link in above, the results came up with lots of ‘how to cure echolalia in your autistic child’ articles. This is a form of communication that is different, not less.
Also falling into ‘Listen Up’ territory, we recently spoke to James McKenzie Watson and Ashley Kalagian Blunt for their podcast James and Ashley Stay At Home. The episode is available now. You can listen to it here.
All the feels
Anna: I’ve become a wee bit obsessed with buying headphones… so for your auditory entertainment I shall now geek out on you. My Bose noise cancelling headphones are my only choice for travel, but then found the bluetooth kept cutting out when I loaded certain games at home, or even sometimes while writing and listening to music. Not ideal. I then moved to my Senheiser GSP 350 Gaming headset. This meant ditching my Yeti mic, and I don’t think anyone noticed the difference. The cord is annoying but the sound is perfect. For my mobile phone I use corded earbuds too, as bluetooth just seems to get me anxious, on top of the lost AirPods risk. I’d like to try the bone conduction headphones, but my son said he’s had a go and they cut out base. Given my mild deafness to low tones, this is the opposite of what I’d need!
We have headphones for the television, and I may have snuck a new pair for Father’s Day. The Aldi ones have flaked on the ear pads, leaving the kids with black specks all around their heads. Worth it if I don’t have to hear Logdotzip. If it’s Sqaishey or Stacy Plays I’m all good to have it on! Did I mention we love Minecraft? Did you feel the tangent coming? Or did it hit you by surprise? Stacy writes too. And Sqaishy just came out as non binary AND did cosplay Catra…
Wait, this was on headphones? I am sensitive to sound. I love to hear people clearly, with no noise cancelling (helps with my hearing and slow processing). So I guess I recommend trying not cancelling sometimes. Is there a point to this? I love headphones.
Off the shelf
Kay: A huge congratulations to all the winners and shortlistees of the Children’s Book Council of Australia (CBCA) Awards, which were announced a few weeks back. Our very own Anna Whateley was on the shortlist, and it has been incredible to see all the love for Peta Lyre pouring in across social media. If you haven’t read it yet, this is the sign you’ve been waiting for!
I have read quite a few books recently that I would recommend, but I will do my best to just pick a few.
The Shape of Sound by Fiona Murphy is exquisite. It is a memoir about Fi coming into her Deaf identity, having kept her deafness a secret for more than twenty-five years. I came away changed, and also in awe of how beautiful the writing is. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
2021 is another great year for #LoveOzYA, and right on the top of that list for me is The Monster of Her Age by Danielle Binks. It explores family and grief in such an interesting and authentic way, as well as delving into a whole lot of topics I couldn’t get enough of: film history (both real and imagined), horror movies, acting dynasties, and beautiful Hobart city.
Uh oh
Anna: My big uh oh is my book. This year has been hard in ways I don’t like to even attempt to put into words (and I’m a writer). Taking Cymbalta for pain also stopped my words. I thought it would pass, or that I was imagining something, but my book… I just couldn’t focus, or hyper focus, even. I rang my editor in the opposite of tears - because I get silly whenever I talk to her because OMG she’s so amazing - and rambled on and on about something?! I don’t even know what. Somehow, she ascertained I was struggling. She wrapped me up in a tight cuddle and said it would all be okay. So NOW I will cry, even when at the time I just nodded and said okay sure thanks bye. Hilzy’s story will be told, and the journey through her trauma and my own may tear me apart, but it’s also putting me back together. Hence my title. Tearing Myself Together.
I’ve put a few of the deleted words in Scratch Pad.
Leaving the house
Kay: I am making up for the fact I missed out on an IRL book launch for Please Don’t Hug Me last year by having two for Social Queue. A huge part of my brain won’t let me commit to the idea that these are events that will *actually* happen, because I know how quickly cases can rise and lockdown can happen, but we have been really lucky in Queensland so I’m crossing all my fingers and toes.
On launch day (September 28), I will be in-conversation with the wonderful Anna Whateley at Where The Wild Things Are in Brisbane. It will be an Overshare reunion! Find out more about the event and register here. Thanks to Gen and the Wild Things team for helping to pull this together. It will be both an in-person and virtual launch, so people can attend from home if they wish. The venue is wheelchair accessible, we will have an Auslan interpreter, and I’m working to make sure it is as accessible for neurodivergent people and the wider disability community as possible. If you have any questions or additional requests, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Closer to home, I will be celebrating on the Sunshine Coast at The Little Book Nook at Palmwoods on October 6. I attended Rhiannon Wilde’s event there for Henry Hamlet’s Heart this week and it is a truly magical venue. Twinkly fairy lights, a gorgeous hidden courtyard, and the sweetest little bookshop tucked away in the corner. We are still finalising all the details for this one, so please keep an eye out on social media, and in the next newsletter.
Anna: OMG I AM LAUNCHING KAY’S BOOK AND I CAN’T WAIT - PLEASE COME!! I’m actually excited to leave the house. Knowing I’ll be with Kay, and whatever happens will be okay, reduces anxiety by about a million percent. That’s probably not even a real number. Leaving the house is easier when you are going somewhere that sees you for who you are and STILL wants you there. #NeurodivergentPride
Kay: I couldn’t have said it better! And I am very thankful, Anna. We are going to have a fun night :)
Who put me in charge?
Kay: This is perhaps going to sound quite uneventful for anyone who isn’t parenting a sensory sensitive/neurodivergent kid, but we are dealing with the first wobbly tooth at the moment, and it is A LOT. Not in an ‘excited for the tooth fairy’ kind of way (A is not on board with any of the magical childhood figures because they don’t make sense and why would we want to celebrate people sneaking into our house at night??) but in a ‘this messes with everything’ kind of way.
The way sensory stuff like this, or a skinned knee, or a picked cuticle, can throw out eating and sleeping, which in turn messes with the entire rhythm and structure of our lives still manages to catch me by surprise. It took me a minute to catch on, but I can see now that this is a time for more understanding, more support, and more downtime. We are going in on special interests and have picked up some extra sensory toys to get us through. I feel sad to think about the way autistic traits can be labelled ‘bad behaviours’ and the kids who would get disciplined harder in times when they are struggling most.
Update: the tooth is out! Sleep is back. I feel semi-human again.
Anna: TEETH.
Scratch pad
Kay: I wrote a piece for SBS Voices about autism and motherhood. You can find it here.
Anna: This un-edited piece is the first thing I wrote for Blair, a protagonist who was a point-of-view but now isn’t. Her operation is the same one I had on my lip, and the medical trauma is still too close. Her story will be told in some way, one day. This is how she started.
[Content Warning for medical trauma]
~~~
Bad people have scars on their face, so I expect I’ll start plotting my brother’s doom at any moment. It’s not my first scar, but it’s the first one on my face, and it feels different. The one on my chest is hardly ever a problem, thanks to clothing. The two on my arms are only an issue when swimming, and a rashie makes them easy to hide. My neck scar has faded and blends in with the folds of skin easily. But this? My lip has been missing two centimetres on the right side since 24 hours ago. I’ll never be symmetrical, and there’s no way of hiding my new role as the evil character in my own life.
Holding a fan to hide the stitches, I watch Michael and Dad play mancala. It’s a game where you drop marbles, that should be seeds, into pots as if you’re sowing them. Michael is losing. Dad is doing everything he can to twist each move and make the kid win. He should have a scar on his face, then he’d just not care anymore.
‘Ooh, good roll, which pot could you move?’ Dad stares intently at what is clearly the best pot. Michael choses the wrong one, giving dad another advantage. I’d smile a wry and wicked smile, but I can’t move my face.
I grimaced when I came out of the op and the micro muscle movement tore a stitch. Now I have to be extra careful not to laugh, smile, cry, or have any emotion that reaches my face.
No wonder face scars make people evil.
We aren’t allowed to feel.
‘Yep, yep, great move.’ Dad’s a terrible liar. ‘Hey, go grab a cookie for me Michael?’ He asks. Michael beams and darts off to the kitchen while Dad quickly adds marbles to his store and places the dice on a terrible roll. I fan my fan with slow waves.
‘Not a word.’ He whispers. I look away.
I can’t talk or laugh, so him being funny doesn’t really help. Michael brings back two choc-chip cookies and gives me one. Dad makes a sorry wince because he knows I love cookies. Michael forgot I can’t eat proper food.
I shrug and go back to my room. My room is prettier than me. I took down the posters full of perfect people with perfect faces and perfect lips, but I can still feel their pity. I left the cookie on the table.
It’s not like I’m hungry, anyway. My ADHD meds are good like that, but I’m running low and forgot to remind dad before the op, so now I’ll have to write him a letter to get more. If I run out there’s no hope of me keeping my lip still.
How far will my face tear if I cry, I wonder.
The Overshare #5
I love Anna’s extract! And The Overshare.
Anna - I love Blair’s voice and hope you find the right place for her!