Hello from soggy Queensland! We have stayed afloat, both mentally and physically, for another month. We’re hoping our readers are safe and dry-ish… The reason for delay in this edition is absolutely Anna’s fault, as she has been processing life and death and everything in between. Kay is a legend and very supportive.
The Overshare is broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s do it.
Listen Up
CW: trauma, unspecified.
Anna: I’ve been listening to true crime podcasts - something I never thought I’d do. The stories are helping me face past trauma somehow, though I couldn’t explain why. Hearing people get away with hurting their children brings out the fury in me - and fury is powerful. For International Women’s Day I emailed someone for information about a thing. Sending this request for information has terrified me for thirty years or so. I’m astounded at the courage I showed in that moment. Pats self on back.
In lighter news, we are obsessively listening to the Encanto soundtrack. We love it so much! My eight year old is trying to find who she is at the moment, trying on many subjectivities (my academic self says). Louisa is a wonderful role model, and she also loves Mirabel’s struggles, and Antonio’s affinity for animals. I haven’t been able to like Disney for so long - I’m super happy they are making better productions now!
All the feels
Kay: All I have been feeling lately is pain. I leant into the dramatics of that sentence halfway through, but it is sort-of true. I have had particularly bad tension pain in my neck and shoulders for the last few weeks. It happens quite often. I made the unfortunate decision to Google ‘autism and chronic pain’ while I was lying on the floor of my bedroom and found a study that said 75% of autistic women/women with ADHD have chronic pain. This did not ease my mind. My psychologist pointed out to me recently that a lot of what I thought was anxiety is actually stress. It is stressful to move through the world as a neurodivergent person, and that can show up in your body in lots of different ways.
As a tangent: I recently read this old piece in the Atlantic called The Science Of Success. It outlines a genetic theory about children either being dandelions or orchids, in relation to what they need to thrive. Basically, dandelions will grow anywhere, whereas orchids are fragile and have very specific needs, but can thrive with the right care and environment. I don’t know if the science is any good, but when I’m lying on the floor with my unbearable tension pain I like to remind myself: I am an orchid. I am an orchid.
Anna: I am also an orchid. Just saying. For my sensory joy I have been doing neurographic art, and rock painting! Neurographic art is a technique designed by a psychologist, but it’s good anyway. I’ve found it helpful for anxiety. The rock painting is just kookie and silly and fun! (Some create artistic masterpieces, alas, not me).
Off the shelf
Kay: I am in a proper reading slump. I can’t even tell you the last book I read. Working on a new book sometimes does this to me, so I am hopeful it won’t be long before I’m back into my looming TBR pile. I get the guilts when I am not reading and supporting other writers.
In the meantime, I have some exciting bookish events coming up. This week, Brisbane Writers’ Festival launched its 60th year program, and I am thrilled to be doing a panel for Love YA Day on May 7 called ‘It’s A Love Story’. Yes! I will be joining Rhiannon Wilde, Tobias Madden, Jodi McAlister, and Hope Ferris-Green for a chat about all things love and YA. Tickets are available now.
Next month I will be presenting at the virtual Voices On The Coast Festival, and then in May I am part of the Sydney Writers’ Festival Secondary School Days program. I will share a little more about both of these in upcoming newsletters.
Uh Oh
Anna: This orchid realised she needed to stop drinking. Sorry if I’m being all serious this newsletter, and I promise to end with some fun. During a time of extreme grief for my uncle and a dear friend I suddenly saw myself differently. I had given up, perhaps. Alcohol has a way always wanting more from me, convincing me that the mask it allows is more desirable than the Anna it hides. I also love routines, and this is where my addictions lie, rather than physically in the alcohol (as I didn’t actually get drunk much at all). The fear I wouldn’t be able to cope was immense. The fear I wouldn’t be liked was terrifying. Well… oh well. We all know the dangers of masking, and yet knowing and making a change are two different things. I’m proud of my two weeks of relative sobriety. I won’t ‘quit’ like, never drink. I just needed it to be a choice. I am an orchid.
Leaving The House
Kay: How about that time I had to leave the house in the middle of a flood to pick up A when her school closed because of the weather?! That was a fun time :/ It is hard to explain how quickly the weather can turn from ‘oh it’s raining’ to ‘emergency situation, shit is real bad’ in Queensland. I went through it in Brisbane in 2011, and ended up with an apartment that became an island. I also ended up with a living room full of rescued kittens… a story for another time. This time around, my partner was away so I was planning to borrow my parents’ car for pick-up. Once it hit about 11am and the rain hadn’t let up, I figured I would go and pick her up early to be safe. And as the weather worsened, I enlisted my dad to drive because I hate driving in really bad rain.
Luckily I did, because by the time I went to leave the house our entire street was flooded–I had been writing and paying more attention to our back yard. And then I learned that a lot of the possible entry points to my kid’s school area are low-lying, and getting there became a logistical nightmare. While we were trying to figure out a way, I got a message from the school to say it was closing and kids needed to be picked up ASAP. It took a few different attempts, some sketchy driving, and 90 minutes to get somewhere that is usually 10 minutes away. I spent that entire time with moderate-high anxiety levels, imagining my daughter being trapped at school, terrified. But no, she was just chilling and slightly annoyed at me for taking so long. We were really lucky. I hope everyone else stayed safe and dry. The news out of my region, Brisbane, Gold Coast and northern NSW has been devastating. I am finding it hard to think about much else. I have found the Givit website to be a good way to send donations to people for tangible stuff they need right now for anyone who can.
Anna: We have been lucky… and while our area flooded around us we were safe and dry. I don’t really know what else to say because I have very much buried my head in the sand/mud and just been in charge of keeping the kids calm and entertained while stuck home. The changes and confusion around school closures hasn’t been helpful, but everyone’s just doing their best. My eldest’s first week and uni, and O week, have been online. To be honest, she’s kinda glad because of the anxiety that gets built up around ‘firsts’.
A storm is due this afternoon, and I’m not sure if the build up or pressure is out there, or in my anxious chest.
Who Put Me In Charge
Kay: One of my biggest parenting struggles at the moment is food. More specifically, the unfortunate combination of my own executive functioning challenges, which make shopping for, preparing, and cooking food a huge issue, and my daughter’s sensory aversions/restricted diet/demand avoidance which means she has her own struggles with food. Three meals a day is just a bit much, isn’t it. Snacks are fine; snacks I can do. But trying to make sure there is a level of nutrition going in, plus a more general amount of calories, can sometimes feel like a full-time job (shared with my partner like shift work) and that is not even including making sure I feed myself. I’m going to try to get some funding to see a nutritionist/dietician through NDIS this year to help with strategies, and I have just ordered a stack of frozen meals for myself. We batch cook, get groceries delivered, and put absolutely no pressure on meal times. We eat the same thing multiple times a week. It is still hard! Thank goodness for hot chips.
I really like this article from Amaze about how people offer unhelpful advice like ‘they’ll eat if they are hungry’, which doesn’t take into account the needs of autistic kids at all.
Anna: I have agreed to a birthday party for my eight year old, turning nine.
Can you feel my stomach drop at the thought? WHY?
She’s so incredibly excited though, and I will find a way to make this work. I decided a not-sleep-over would be best. Rain would ruin any outdoor plans, and our house (and my brain) can’t handle five nine year olds running around at full speed. The invitation states they are free to bring noise canceling headphones as a know a few are sound sensitive. We will have a movie and cushions and all the sleep over things - and then they all go home at 6.30pm. A swim if weather allows and the pool is not the delightful green it has been since the rains. A 7pm routine for bedtime is essential for my daughter, and the end time is to alleviate her anxiety and let her enjoy her birthday. If this all turns into a shit-show I will include the run down in next newsletter’s Uh Oh section.
We have also been making STICKERS. I highly recommend. She helped me design this anime character as if she was in a show called Star. It was interesting to see how she views herself, and she was so extremely and amazingly happy with the result!
Scratch Pad
I feel like I’ve already overshared so much of my ‘creations’ in this letter… but here is a poem, unedited, by yours truly.
Honesty
Honesty has a place in every corner It lurks with love and glosses select vignettes that serve their place. I’d fight by your side of chips. You know I’m always yours for £4.99 on Mondays, There’s nowhere I’d rather be a roundabout. And I’d stay to the end of daylight savings My heart is an open booklet printed with conch shell ink Perhaps the time has, come again? You drive me home On country lanes See rain soaked Dayboro hills and still she’s gone. Lantana flowers have taken hold and I hear her count the beats as we had danced and sung. I leave you words written on handmade paper I have to leave now said the cricket, winter comes.
My favourite The Overshare edition to date. Funny and vulnerable. Bravery throughout. Thank you
I’m also patting you on the back for sending the request, Anna! That is such a huge step. I think Encanto is one of my favourite ever movies, and it’s lovely to be able to like something from Disney again! I’ll be thinking of you for the party, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible!
Kay, I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been experiencing. I can very much relate to chronic neck and shoulder pain, and I dearly hope some relief is in sight for you! Gosh, that would have been so unsettling trying to pick up A from school. I’m so relieved you all got home safely. Thanks for sharing your experiences around food as well - you’re doing so well juggling it all!