Okay so it looks like we are really doing this! Welcome to the first edition of The Overshare. Of course we have written way over our word limit, and are publishing this a week later than we had planned. To kick things off, the winner of our subscription giveaway is Sarah. We will email you today :)
The newsletter will be broken up into seven sections: Listen Up–for all things auditory and musical, All The Feels–for sensory gadgets and neurodivergent products we are loving, Off The Shelf–bookish things including what we are reading and upcoming events, Uh Oh–life disasters, bloopers and social mistakes, Leaving The House–pretty self explanatory, Who Put Me In Charge–challenges in parenting, executive functioning, and life admin, and Scratch Pad–to share new writing bits and pieces. Let’s dive in.
Listen Up
Kay: It never occurred to me that listening to the same song again and again (and again) could be autism-related until other autistic people pointed it out on Twitter. It has always been a calming tool for me, and my one song will change every couple of weeks or months. I like looping songs when I drive, or when I’m working on something that doesn’t require my full attention. Part of my resistance to getting Spotify is that your listening history is public, and I don’t listen to music like a neurotypical person.
At the moment my song is I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers. I feel like we could all do with a bit of primal screaming, and I love the line ‘find a new place to be from, a haunted house with a picket fence, to float around and ghost my friends’. I feel a bit like that, behind my picket fence, not really leaving my house, and sometimes doing a bad job of replying to and interacting with my friends.
If you’ve got a song on loop, please send it to me! I would love to hear it.
Anna: I’m also deeply effected by sound, words and music. A couple of months ago, I a listened to a friend compose music. He was describing what he could see to motivate the piece. It was hard not to just pick up a pen and write the scene. I suggested we formalise a collaboration, and we created a season of #SonicInk episodes. We have two hours to write and compose to a theme, and then mix the words, composition, and random visuals for a clip.
The whole process terrifies me, and every week I tell myself I won’t do it again. The risk is huge - what if my writing isn’t perfect? Doesn’t generate any emotive response? Each week I do it again and the music never fails to move me. Without warning a story will appear. The current season is about to end, and I guess the fates will decide if there is to be another one.
Today I’m channelling some anger and have an old teenage favourite blaring (Pearl Jam). I can block out any dopamine crashes with a loud sing along, forcing myself back into the present and into chest and my body.
All The Feels
Kay: I am all about slime videos on Instagram and kinetic sand at the moment. Maybe one day I can get a slime sponsorship.
Anna: I’ve been buying lights. LOADS of lights. Colourful and sparkly stimmy lights that make me happy as a kid at Christmas in my writing space. We do have some solar panels :/ This one is a squishy mushroom light from Bunnings. It’s soft and glows a rainbow of shifting colours. I love it!
Off The Shelf
Kay: April was Autism Acceptance Month, so I tried to read more stories with autistic characters, by autistic authors. I absolutely loved A Kind of Spark by Elle McNicholl, which is a Scottish middle-grade book. The autistic protagonist, 11-year-old Addie, learns that her village used to burn witches, so she takes it upon herself to campaign for a memorial for the women. It is funny and sweet, exploring family, community and self-determination. Elle has another book that came out recently called Show Us Who You Are, and I am excited to pick up a copy of that soon too.
I have also started Paws by Kate Foster and it is a very sweet middle-grade book with an autistic protagonist as well. (Middle-grade seems to be having a moment, and I can’t get enough)
Anna: I’ve been reading The Boy From the Mish by Gary Lonesborough. I even had the privilege of having Gary as a guest on #Auschat (YouTube) and while my amazing executive functioning abilities mean it’s not up yet, I’ve definitely confirmed he is one of my favourite people. I’ve been busy with events and trying to switch from Public Anna to Video Editing Anna (let alone Writing Anna) has been a struggle. A wonderful and spoilt struggle. Saturday - tomorrow - will be Love is Love is Love for the BWF with Gary and a wonderful panel of speakers.
Uh Oh
Kay: Thank goodness we are done with April Fool’s Day (an ableist name for a crappy day) for another year, is all I can say. I hate pranks, because I think it is inherently mean-spirited to prey on people’s trust, and if you do it often you are likely to lose said trust. From me anyway. Again, I feel very validated knowing that pranking is not something a lot of autistic people like. I feel like I am always at risk of being laughed at for getting things wrong in my day-to-day life, so I don’t need any extra opportunities. My teen years were in the era of ‘Jackass’ and ‘Tension’, where pranks were just a whole thing, and I probably have extra hatred for them because of that.
A more recent prank that I fell for, that left me feeling very ridiculous, was at our local aquarium. We have been taking my daughter since she was small, as it is one of the few indoor, air-conditioned and quiet rainy day activities around where we live. We had never stayed for the seal show though, because it was always too noisy and crowded for her (and me). One day she decided she wanted to watch it, so we stayed. There are a couple of parts where they call for audience volunteers (my nightmare) and in this part at the end, the seal pushes one of the ‘volunteers’ into the water. My heart was racing, I was so upset and worried about the person who had been pushed. What if they couldn’t swim, what if they had their phone and wallet in their pocket, what if they felt humiliated? And then also, for a second, a seal is a wild animal, what if it turns into a Blackfish situation, and I witness some kind of animal attack with my toddler???
Anyway, once I realised no one else was reacting and the person was pulled out of the water, it dawned on me that it was fake. Of course it was fake. And I felt silly for caring so much about this person who probably got pushed into the pool by the seal three times a day, every day.
Leaving The House
Anna: I left the house. I went to the launch of Tabitha Bird’s new novel The Emporium of Imagination at Avid Reader in Brisbane. I booked the ticket in the morning when I was all positive and happy, full of my meds and coffee. By the afternoon I’m usually a bit of a mess and can’t imagine wanting to go anywhere ever, but if I’ve booked something I usually pull through. I don’t think I’ve booked anything since before Covid lockdown began? That’s a long time. The fear grows the longer I leave it, and I knew it was time to practice being me again. So I tried on all my clothes and got the kids prepared for a change in routine (this takes days of prep work).
In the end, I wore a black t-shirt and jeans. I’m still uncertain what I want to look like and what I’ll feel comfortable in once I’m out. Projecting to how I may feel in the future is incredibly difficult when I rarely know how I feel in the present (alexithymia). I recognise ‘awkward’ and ‘uncomfortable’ though. So, I chose my favourite things, and it all went really well. I was welcomed by name at Where The Wildthings Are Bookshop (OMG!) and then my ADHD friend Grant gave me the biggest hug in Avid, followed by Cass Moriarty and I was just in a ball of warmth and belonging. I’m glad I knew to leave straight after, and not go to dinner with everyone (first time I’ve done this?). It’s hard to miss out but I recovered much more quickly. I’m so glad I left the house.
Who Put Me In Charge?
Kay: We have finally been approved for NDIS funding for A. We started seeking diagnosis at the end of 2019, so that will give you some idea of how long the whole process has taken. And it has been incredibly expensive. Assessments and reports from specialists aren’t cheap, and you need that paperwork to back up your application. I am nervous about how I am going to go managing her fund, with my own executive dysfunction, especially around anything paperwork-related. But I have lists! And reminders! And I’m incredibly motivated to continue supporting her as best as I possibly can. If you are managing NDIS for your kid/s, I’d love to hear your tips.
And if you have a child 12 or under who is autistic and on the NDIS, Amaze is collecting feedback through a survey about how the proposed changes will impact your family. I’ve completed it, and if you would like to, the link is here.
Scratch Pad
Anna: I’ve never written lyrics before, and don’t hear the unique tunes as some do. I write poetry though, and I’ve recently shared some in Growing Up Disabled in Australia. Unfounded courage brings me to share again and perhaps someone has a melody that would turn these words to lyrics one day.
~
I can’t hover here
between all I’m not
and all you never wanted.
you asked me once -
what do I use to burn you?
have you anything to hand?
Singing sweet songs
I hold out sticks and words
dripping from my fingers.
I can’t hover here
between all I’m not
and all you never wanted
You take a stick and tap me gently
confirming there’s an echo.
The damp makes burning hard
you say, but we will try.
An endnote about Sydney Writers’ Festival
Kay: How did you find Sydney Writers’ Festival, Anna?
Anna: I had a ball! Ha ha. The debutant experience was one I’ll never forget. I made a few jokes that it was better than both my weddings (!) but perhaps I meant it was all the wonderfulness of a wedding without the difficulties of organisation. Amelia Lush, the committed and hard working organiser from SWF, deserves the highest of honours for putting together such a perfect night for we covid-launchers. It’s always a risk to go out when my Ritalin is worn off, and I’m not parenting; the old Anna of the past bubbles out in all her ridiculousness. My date for the night was Yvette, who is also my publicist, and I am eternally grateful to her for making sure I had a seat when I couldn’t stand, the names of people I’d met or could say hello to, and was such glorious company. And Kay, you were resplendent. You also reminded me I could leave. This sounds silly, but I’m not the sort to think ahead, or consider that I might be burning out. I took the plunge and was not the last at the party for once, and it really was for the best. I met some more wonderful people at the hotel while enjoying a night cap at the bar, including Judith Lucy, Susan Francis, and Hilde Hinton. How about you, Kay?
Kay: Ha! Yes, I am nothing if not good at leaving social events. But yeah, I loved it. I felt so included and supported by SWF and Amelia, who does such a wonderful job with the children’s and YA programming. It had a celebratory feel, and it was incredible to meet so many authors whose books I adore. I loved the fancy hotel, getting dressed up, and the buzz of the Carriageworks precinct, where the festival was held. It was the best night I’ve had in a long time. All of that said, I crashed hard when I got home. Social burnout, exhaustion, overdoing masking, whatever you would call it. I was a ball of anxiety for a day, convinced that things had gone terribly and everything was bad, and I spent it watching My Little Pony with A, who was home from school. I think I am getting more used to that being the pattern after a big social thing, and I just need to plan the downtime to recover. I feel good again now, after rest and sleep. Planning and downtime: the answer for most things.
Love love love this! I currently have Xanadu by Olivia NJ on loop. This is such a happy joyful song that takes me back to a movie I loved in a simple time of my life
Fabulous stuff. I really enjoyed reading and so many experiences resonate with me. Remembering to leave a party when I am enjoying it most makes life much easier and makes the consequences of socialising bearable.
Thanks Kay for the book recommends - Paws is great.
Look forward to #2 😊